why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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