I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
