just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
