sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
