I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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