Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
