Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize