There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
