its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize