I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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