maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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