new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
