your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
