the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
