I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
