He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
