why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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