Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize