yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
