Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dick very happy bro
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
