i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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