I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
