a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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