Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
