Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
