Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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