She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
