you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
