one two three fourrrrnication!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
