you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
