we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
