margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
