I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
