I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
