So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
