one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
