i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
