u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
