and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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