Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
