i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
