We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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