his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
handjob tips. give me some.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
