theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
