This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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