the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
