We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
