I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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