Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
