can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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