I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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