I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
