break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
