Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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