does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
