Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize