I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
