Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
