it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
