You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
