Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
