You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize