I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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