East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you made out with another girl for some wings
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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