we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize