kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
