then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
