I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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