I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
