Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and i looked up. we had an audience...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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