In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
