THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
