If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
