Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
