Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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