It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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