Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
