my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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