I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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