You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
