So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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