I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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