Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we're so committed to being not committed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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