whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
