well I can't set my house on fire every night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
