Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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