Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
