is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
