Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
