Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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