I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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