my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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