bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
