am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
