remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
