there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
