my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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