I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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