And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
