Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
